I'm going to be freestyling this, in the true spirit of a 20-year-old.

I am so grateful to have made it to twenty. I say that because there were times when I never thought I’d make it to 18. The idea of me living my own life seemed further than a dream and more like an optical illusion. I had only one plan when I made it to 18, and that was to get a tattoo. Nothing crazy because I just wanted the evidence that I had officially made it into adulthood. The funny thing is, I didn’t get my ink until I was 19. Instead, my gift into adulthood was the crippling feeling that I was already running out of time. It’s a sadly universal aspect of growing up.

As a child, you have no real understanding of what life is like once you officially become too old for the bouncy castles. There is no reason to comprehend life past limitless fun. I don’t know about you, but for me that meant a real shock to the system when I had to navigate this new world. Adulthood as we know it, is the bouncy castle without air. It can often feel like trying to find the joy in something you love, but quickly realise there’s no room for a smile in the professional world. I know it sounds weird that I’m detailing my thoughts on adulthood when I’ve been here for five seconds. But on a real, this type of living is dull enough to put a spirit to rest honey. Only twenty but I have already unsubscribed from whatever reality this is.

I’ve seen my tip of the iceberg in this manmade world, and I vowed to choose peace. The only thing we see are adults constantly chasing something. It’s not happiness, it’s not fun, it’s always money. Unfortunately, money does make this world go round, and so it’ll always be here. You can’t say the same for your joy and sanity. I have young parents, and my dad is constantly justifying his work stress by saying “it’s the real world”. I don’t respond because since when did living automatically equate to stress? I want to talk to whoever decided they were mutually exclusive concepts. To me, existing is one the most precious gifts there is. The opportunity is such a blessing that you only need to do it once. So that brings me to say, if we only have one chance to live, why on earth would we choose to spend it in empty misery? Something just doesn’t add up.

Yasmin at 9 years old could tell you that adults were weird. I’ve never once met a grown up who I didn’t think was at least a little bit strange. I understand why now. The world that we created, is the weirdest version of life there is. Most people have forgotten what it means to live for themselves. I’d bet that they forgot as soon as they had to earn a wage to live. It’s normal for your desires to change, but what we don’t notice is that we alter them to fit around a completely industrialised way of living. Before you say we absolutely must live this way to survive, I’ll let you save your breath. I am unapologetically one of those people who think we should be living natural, staying in tune with the earth and out of touch with damaging creations. This concept of living will never seem normal to me. I believe this at only twenty, so what will I do in a few decades time?

Before I reach 40, I will be turning 21 of course. I’m a summer baby so I never care too much on what to do, I just need the sun and I’m thriving and happy. This year is a little different for me though. Last year, I had manifested turning 20 abroad and did just that. This year, I was guided away from booking a solo trip to do it again. I’m a believer that there’s always a reason for redirection and that the universe has other plans. What gets me is just the fact that I’ll be turning 21, with no clue how. I don’t even know how I got to 20 and a half. I like to at least know the gist of a plan but I decided to just let the universe flow this time. Soon after my last birthday, my whole world got turned upside down. My mother had kicked me out, I started some serious healing, had to reconcile with the other estranged parent, all while trying to float in a career path that I was still learning to love. I learnt exactly what it meant to trust that you’re always on the right path that year. Being so young and hopeful, I had no other choice but to just keep faith.

With the universally legal age on the horizon, I’m figuring out how to enter yet again with trust. My life experiences have already shown me what I don’t want, and what I desire. One thing’s for certain, I will not grow closer to the concept of an adult with a job but no joy, and a heart but no spirit. By now, I think we can depict that I am writing this to prevent an unscheduled life crisis. Currently, I’m periodically convincing myself that rather than being okay with not having it figured out, I need to be okay with just being myself. Not attaching myself to an ideal, a career, a falsified sense of happiness. A lot of our society creates the illusion that to be fulfilled, we must first live by the unspoken rules, sell our souls, and even then nothing good is guaranteed.

My 21 is about embracing the liberation I innately have, rather than worrying about how I could fit it into a box. The first half of 20 taught me that I can “have it all” and I can do it well despite everything. The second half is teaching me that I am entitled to create and experience my own joy, at any pace in whichever capacity I choose.

It’s inevitable that we age. We do however get to decide how we do that. Will you be starting the next chapters with as a passenger in your own life, or will you decide to take the wheel? The driver’s seat is always open, no matter how old you may be. The chance to curate your life, and fulfil your true desires, exists at every moment. So, I’m signing off this post as: The twenty-year-old who needed those last thousand words to remind herself that she is always at a beautiful beginning, and time is a subjective illusion.

Find joy in the pace of your own life.